I've got a baby on my brain

...and it's making me all muddle-minded.  Which is a little bit ironic because apparently her brain is growing like crazy right now.  I biked to the pool yesterday and when it was time to leave, I found I had completely forgotten the combination of the bike lock.  A combination I have used so many times I don't even think about it any more.  I had to walk home.  Later that day, I drove into campus for my friend's recital to find that he didn't have a recital at all.  I had fabricated it all.  I find myself walking into a room in our apartment and can't remember why I'm there.  I ask Jbird something and have to re-ask him immediately because I can't remember what he just told me.  If I start doing something while in the middle of another job, I forget about the first job entirely.  This is quite dangerous if I'm baking.  I guess they call this baby brain but I know I've experienced it before when I moved from Bangladesh back to New Zealand and everything was incredibly familiar yet the schema no longer linked together.  Just before we got married, I had so much on my mind it felt as though there was no more room for new information.  I'm just glad I'm not studying right now.  I've found that if I slow everything down I don't forget quite so much.  I know my sister felt like she still had baby brain a few months after her baby was born so I guess have to start carrying a notebook with me and writing everything down. 

Good Friday breakfast

I'm still trying to establish some Easter traditions in our little family across the ocean and Good Friday breakfast is one of them.  Luckily we don't have Friday morning commitments or the non-public-holidayness of the day here in the States might get in our way.

I have managed to perfect my sourdough hot cross bun recipe after another practice batch last weekend and took the ingredients to work yesterday so they would be on their final rise in the fridge in time for breakfast this morning.  I think they were the best batch I've made this year - lots of spice, plenty of raisins and fruit, and ready just when I wanted them to be - but I had some frozen ones from last weekend's batch just in case they didn't work out.  Although I swear by the sourdough method for the flavour and texture of the bread, I haven't established my method enough to the point that I trust it will work when I want it to.  I am very happy with the starter I'm currently using, I hope I can keep it alive.

For a savoury dish I made a Julia Child quiche, sans pastry.  The name she gave the recipe is Quiche Lorraine (cream and bacon quiche) - a traditional French style quiche.  Thank you Mrs. Child for introducing me to cream in my quiche.  The cream made it so light and fluffy, we didn't notice the lack of pastry.  I highly recommend baking your eggs and bacon in a quiche over cooking them on the stove top for breakfast.  It takes longer but it's far less stressful and they've baked together so they are ready simultaneously.  You can also get a large portion of your dishes finished while you wait so your kitchen is relatively tidy while you eat.

Pink grapefruit and tea were lovely accompaniments to this breakfast. 

Relaxing to improve

I had an epiphany in the pool yesterday.  I realised that when I try to swim fast I start to tense up, my stroke shortens becoming less strong, and I end up being slower and quickly running out of breath.  To avoid this, my focus has become any tension in my body.  I try to concentrate on relaxing this tension and trying to utilise each stroke as much as I can while that arm is under water.  

I wonder how many things in life this could apply to.  For example, if I'm trying to cook dinner in a hurry I stop doing things efficiently.  The pasta is ready long before the sauce and vegetables are.  Or I forget a vital step like adding salt to the bread dough.  When I used to perform to people on either the violin or piano, I would think too hard and lose my place in the music, making a massive glitch I wouldn't normally have made had I been playing at home alone without the pressure of an audience.  Or my bow would start to shake and my left hand fingers would play out of tune.  I'm forever trying to get through to my adult students that being relaxed is the key to most of their technical issues.  I think I need to start taking my own advice. 

Baby gifts from afar

People have been sending us some lovely gifts for the baby.  Checking the mail is as exciting as pre-Christmas.  Yesterday we received a huge box from Jbird's parents.  It was full of beautiful little girl clothes.  I can't wait to start dressing our little live doll in some of the cute things they sent!  Please don't tell the authorities that I referred to her as a doll.  

In the package they also included some of the toys that Jbird had as a baby.  One of these was the teddy bear he had when he was first born and now it's here for our bubba.  Unfortunately, I can't convince Jbird to strike the same pose for a then and now comparison shot but the teddy looks just about exactly the same as it did then - although it's a little more worn.  I'll have to get a photo of our bubba with her daddy's teddy bear to share with you when she comes. 

Surely it's time to get in the garden

It's late March and the weather has been so cold, I haven't yet even thought about spring crops for the garden.  When I went through the garden labels on this space I was already planting things in early March last year.  

Today we had a bit of a winter storm - at least three inches of snow accumulated.  I hope it's the last.  I know I've said this multiple times but I am completely finished with winter.  I'm over it! It's time for late spring and some nice warmth.  Please.  I want to eat spring lettuce and have fresh herbs to add to my meals.  Besides that, I'd like to retire our winter jackets, hats, and gloves.  Perhaps I should go on strike.  Would the weather listen?

The first photo is from on March 20, 2012 in Indianpolis.  We had 80+ degrees fahrenheit that day.  The second photo was taken this morning, March 25, outside our apartment. 

And he's a winner!

Jbird played in the school's Saint-Saëns' Piano Concerto (No.2) Competition on Friday night.  He played his heart out and managed to win the competition.  We are very excited and can't wait for his prize - to play with the concerto with the school's University Orchestra on April 11.  It's a beautiful concerto, well worth a listen if you have a moment to peruse youtube.  We'll also post a recording of the final concert after the date.

I wish I had a photo to share of the competition scenario but I'll have to describe it in words.  He played with his accompanist on a stage to a nearly empty hall.  His judges were upstairs in the balcony.  The contestants were given cuts in the concerto the night before so they'd all learned the whole thing but were only playing about half of it.  His arms flung around, he looked to both heaven and earth for inspiration.  I mean this literally, he got so hunched over the piano at one stage that he knocked his glasses on the wood.  All of his energy went into playing  every note, unaware of his left leg which tends to fly around to aid in weight distribution for those fortissimos.  Jbird is a true lightweight for such a hefty instrument. 

A Kiwi afternoon tea

I often tell people that the food we eat at home is different from the food Americans eat.  When they ask me to elaborate, I'm often at a loss for words.  The differences are too subtle to generalise them in just a few words.  But this afternoon I served my American friend a Kiwi afternoon tea.  I know that it was Kiwi because it reminded me of any number of afternoon teas my mother made for us when we got home from school as kids.  The fact that I call it 'afternoon tea' in the first place is also quite Kiwi.  Here we'd call it a snack.  

She had coffee and I had boiling water with lemon - for us Kiwis, afternoon tea can be any drink you feel like although as a child I would have had cordial* or water.  Or milo* if it was a particularly rainy/cold day.  The food menu was toasted hot cross buns with butter and orange wedges.  She only knew of hot cross buns from the song so I was especially glad to share our good sourdough ones with her.  She has eaten orange wedges in this way, but not as a chosen afternoon snack.  It doesn't remind her of her after school snack.

*cordial: powdered juice
*milo: the only hot chocolate I knew growing up.  It's no way near as chocolatey as other brands. But quite delicious with some marmite on toast.  It's also a common drink in many parts of Asia and probably Australia.

A long transition

I found a succinct way to define to an expat friend of mine what it felt like for me to move to the States back in 2009.  I thought it worth sharing.

When we moved to Baltimore it felt like I was torn from my identity.  I lost a lot of what it meant to be me.

I was suddenly a wife.  I was no longer a teacher.  I wasn't a Kiwi in the sense that everybody around me was Kiwi: how I spoke and acted was now alien.  I no longer had music groups to be involved in.  I lost my church family, all my close friends, and my family no longer lived nearby.  My sole job was suddenly to support Jbird: a job nobody could tell me how to do, or train me through a degree into.  I didn't have an income or even a car.  We lived in a tiny apartment where I spent 80% of my time watching American cable TV and baking.  The ocean was there (though it isn't here) but it wasn't swim-able, there was certainly no surfing.  All of my everyday stuff was an ocean or two away, I had just a suitcase of clothes and a viola.  People assume that because our skin is white and we speak English, our culture is very similar to the American culture so they expect us to just blend in.  But it's not, and it's hard to.

It was quite different from moving to Bangladesh back in 2005.  The Bangladesh move was a great adventure.  It had an intended time frame.  I had an identity in my teaching and being completely surrounded by other expats so that my expat-ness was normal.  I had a means of supporting myself.  It was hard, but now I think it was hard in an easier way.

I don't write this to complain.  I write this to express myself, I feel almost freed by this realisation.  Of course everything is different now, I have reshaped myself and life doesn't feel so hard, or the amount of hardness in my life is a more ordinary amount. 

Here's to a new freedom

I am very happy to announce that for the first time in four years we live in the very same country as the car we own!  Waaaahey.  We settled on a 1999, 108,000 miles on the odometer, Toyota Sienna.  I can hardly believe how great it feels to hop in that vehicle and drive where I want to go.  No more hoping for fine weather, or dreading the cold before we head out.  No more scabbing* rides from people.  In fact, we've been to the west side of town THREE TIMES in two days.  That place almost felt like a far away town, pre-car days.  Don't get me wrong, I love the biking life style, and I've been mourning the potential loss of it over the past couple of weeks with statements like this might be our last ride together for a while, Jbird.  But it takes so much energy to run errands when you're on a bike - or even to decide to do them.  Also, my tummy keeps getting bigger and it was starting to get in the way - I had to bike with my knees splayed out.

We've been talking about this purchase for two years, intending to actually buy something since last October, but only really researching and shopping for a little over a month.  I can hardly believe we've actually done it.  It felt like a huge, hard decision to make.  My dad has always found the cars I have owned in the passed and I was happy not to have to look for them.  This time it was nice to see how great Jbird was at talking to people and running around having the cars checked - I lost enthusiasm very quickly.  Now that the purchase has finally been made, Jbird and I are both tired and grumpy from the intensity of shopping and buying over the passed week.  We drove to Louisville, Kentucky on Wednesday to see a few vehicles down there but ironically ended up buying the very first one we looked at.  

Please don't mind that we bought a big hulking minivan either.  Obviously we're only having the one baby so some might say that the size of the vehicle is a bit of an exaggerated choice.  The plan is to be very comfortable on a long road trip, and to be able to sleep in the vehicle when we want to.  We hope to see a lot more of the States in this car.  I'm currently planning our late-summer trip to Michigan, Canada, and up-state New York.  Won't that be something nice?

*There's a gross NZ slang if every I heard one.  In this context, it means to take from someone else without really being able to repay them. 

Banana-slam-a-grams

We've been introduced to a new game - bananagrams - and I'm hooked.  The introducees had three copies so they lent us one of them.  I even play alone on occasion and whenever I am about to spend any time with anyone, I take it with me just in case we get a chance to play.  It's really easy to explain - which is a nice reprieve from our usual rule-laden-German-board-game-fetish - and it can be a quick game, or played multiple times over a whole evening.  It also allows for conversation, especially if the people playing are not super competitive.  It's a word game, similar to scrabble, except FUN (no offence, A. McLean).  It offers lots of opportunities to play around with your letters, rearranging them into different words if needed.  Although you're competing against someone else, your word board is independent of theirs.  In stark contrast to this, when I play scrabble I often feel overwhelmed by the others' words, stuck for ideas, and then regret placements I make.  Probably some practice at it would help me but I'm so put off by it, I decline any offer of a game.   

Here are the boards my friend and I made last night while we gossiped about our husbands and ate chilli-corn bread pie out of mason jars. They may it look easier than it is.  This first one is mine - that 'c' at the top kept getting in my way last night.  I had some great stuff going with the 'x' but had to rearrange to fit in new letters as they were added.  The second is my friend's.  She won.

A great Hot Cross Bun bake-off

It seems hot cross buns have been in the supermarkets back home - probably at a dollar for a packet of six - for a good long time because there have been lots of status updates about them on facebook.  I thought the tradition was to have them on Good Friday but wiki tells me they're generally served during lent.  All I remember from my childhood is Easter eggs were definitely a no-go before Easter Sunday. Regardless, I've been craving them for a while but kept forgetting to prepare the sourdough starter the night before I had some time to bake bread.  Finally I prepared it during a morning when I thought there would be some spare time within the next 48 hours.  Because I am more wary of my starter working, I decided to also bake some dried yeast hot cross buns.  That way I knew there would be some successful buns (dried yeast always rises) and I could compare the two types of breads.  Both recipes called for 1/4 cup of sugar but because I'm still trying to be basically sugar-free, I only put in a teaspoon or two to help encourage the yeast to activate.  

The first photos are the yeast buns, the second are the sour dough buns.  They both rose beautifully and have a soft, yummy looking crumb.  However, we both thought the sourdough buns were better.  Somehow they seem to have more substance to them, with a richer crumb.  The dried yeast ones were so light and fluffy, they were like eating air.  I was surprised as they called for two eggs and twice as much butter.  I'm definitely hooked on sourdough bread - it's the good stuff.  It was very hard for me not to spread a berry jam on the final outcome but I didn't succumb, settling for melty butter instead.

A sign of things to come

HAZZAH - look what bloomed yesterday!  These are from some of the bulbs that mum and I planted in October.  Spring must be on its way.  There are other signs of spring too.  The snow is nearly all gone - apart from some scraggly piles that were plowed in parking lots after our last snow storm.  And I haven't worn long-johns since Thursday.  Then today, I didn't even consider my hat and gloves.  We also sprung our clocks forward for daylight savings and were enjoying daylight at 7:30.  Ah.  Lovely.  I guess I better plant some summer seedlings soon.

No more sugar: What will I eat instead?

I'm a practical person and I didn't think I can do things without a plan so this was the biggest question I had when considering this quest.  While searching for foods that have the vitamins, minerals, and basic nutrients required to keep me healthy during this pregnancy, I have discovered there are many yummy snacks that don't have white sugar, are really good for me, and that I really enjoy eating.  I've already mentioned I will keep eating fruit.  

I also love:

- raw pumpkin and sunflower seeds

- raisins

- raw mixed nuts

- celery by itself or with peanut butter 

- raw carrots - I could eat carrots all day

- home made bread toasted with peanut butter or butter - no more jam

- plain unsweetened yoghurt with fresh fruit

- dark chocolate

- crackers and cheese

My most exciting discovery is that I can still eat waffles and pancakes, simply leaving out the small amount of sugar or putting some honey in its place.  I substitute half whole wheat flour into the pancake recipe.  I love topping them with plain yoghurt and fruit.  Hopefully the fruit will be enough of a sweetener because I used to add lemon curd but I can't do that any more. 

Do you have any further suggestions?

No more sugar: Why go cold-turkey?

Because I believe it's the only way for me right now.  For a long time, I was really good at only eating one sweet treat a day.  ONE a day.  Currently it seems as if sweet treats are the majority of what I eat.  My love of baking is a big part of the problem.  I try to tell myself I'm doing it for Jbird, or just for the process of it; but now I think it's part of my addiction.   I don't know if this will be forever; I think it might just be for right now, to help me get some perspective of what has white sugar and what doesn't.

Just so you know, this is by no means a diet: I don't believe in diets and I don't think I'm overweight by any means.  I don't want to eat less, I just want to stop the craving I have for sweet things.  Can I do this while I'm pregnant? I think so!  I've already discovered that raw nuts are more tasty without added raisins and I'm looking forward to discovering the same for many other foods.  Wish me luck.

No more sugar: to clarify a little further

On second thoughts, the word 'eradicate' is perhaps a bit severe.  On second thought, I don't think sugar will ever be gone completely from my eating habits.  What I really want to focus on right now is cutting out white sugar.  For example, fruit is often high in sugar but I will eat as much fruit as I like.  My belief is that fruit is good and I plan to keep eating as much as I like - or as much as my budget will allow.  

In the article I linked to yesterday, we hear about 'buying around the edges' of the supermarket.  I already <mostly> do that, but it's the baking I do with these whole ingredients (and all the bags of sugar we buy) that really worries me.  I may need to stop baking.  I could go as far as cutting flour from my diet too, because the starch breaks down almost directly to sugar - but I'm not going to.  My focus is totally on white sugar.  Which is far less severe than some people go in their similar quests.  

No more sugar?

I read this today and it was enough to convince me that I have a serious sugar addiction.  I would like to challenge myself to eradicate it from my diet.  It seems like an extreme step to take but I think it might be the most practical solution for me right now.  More to come on this thought - if I can be serious about it.  After all, my kitchen is extremely full of sweet treats right now.

Bumped on the front

Many have asked for bump photos so here they are.  These are my least favourite of photos to pose for but seeing as I'm the one who chose to have this baby so far from home, I thought I'd comply.  This is me at...um...30-ish weeks.  There's a week discrepancy of my due date between myself and my midwife by just three days, but it makes all the difference in deciding what week I'm at.  Let's say she's right and it's 29.  That gives me an extra week before bubba Bird makes her appearance.  And the idea of being at 30 weeks already kind of freaks me out.  

It's not a true profile.  Sorry.  I hate the twisting head that becomes necessary for a true profile.  Plus these angles might be a little more flattering. Nobody likes to grow a beer gut in 30 weeks.  Now that I look back at the photo Jbird took on Christmas day at 20 weeks, I see that I barely look pregnant.  I think I really wanted to look pregnant at the time, I thought it was about time I did.  And I remember feeling huge.  For the next ten weeks, all I did was complain about looking - and feeling - fat.  Silly me.  Enjoy the time, baby will be here soon.  

Finally I look pregnant and I've become accustomed to the belly and no longer feel fat and people are starting to ask me when I'm due.  And tell me I'm looking great.  Which is pretty nice for the self esteem. 

 photo 1 and 2: 29 weeks

  20 weeks

But will I be warm enough?

I had to bike out quite early on a cold morning recently and this is the photo Jbird took before I left.  See the kiwis on the scarf? Those kiwis ain't never seen the cold like Indiana can bring.  This kiwi is sick of it.

Intermittently we wonder whether spring has arrived.  Then it snows slight mindless flurries for four days in a row with no ground coverage to speak of.  Just endless grey skies.  Oh spring.  We miss you.  Our bulbs are confused.  Many are poking out of the ground several centimetres.  One is beginning to flower while the rest are frost bitten with brown tips.  I'm glad we don't live any further north.  That's all.

Somebody save me from my kitchen

...because at the moment it houses gingerbread biscotti, lemon bars, toasted coconut and chocolate chunk cookies, home-made granola bars, AND triple chocolate home-made brownie.  There's no true excuse for the excessive use of white flour and sugar.  Jbird wanted the brownie for the ice cream we bought.  I did not need to throw in the third chocolate - white chocolate chips - but they were begging to be included  <To be fair it's the first tub of ice-cream we've had since before October so I wanted to make it worth our while>.  The lemon bars came about because I was desperate to try something from my friend's lovely Tartine bakery book I have on loan.  Another friend recommended the gingerbread biscotti and her kitchen lacks proximity to my part of the country and I couldn't help trying it myself.  The home-made granola bars and toasted coconut and chocolate chunk cookies are attempts at 'healthier' yummy snacks.  The latter has the least calories of all, I think, as most of the ingredients consist of dark chocolate and coconut.  If we're calorie counting which we're not, right girls?

A friend of mine has said she particularly craved sweets when she was pregnant with her daughter, and not so with her sons.  Perhaps this is the dilemma I am also facing.  I label it a dilemma merely because I feel guilty a lot of the time.

Somebody come over for coffee and make a dent in all this baking would you, pretty please?

On the look out for iron

Turns out that struggling to get enough breath when I'm biking up hills is probably a symptom of being very low in iron.  It's common for most pregnant women to face this, especially at their third trimester, and most are lumped onto a generic iron tablet which gives them either constipation or diarrhoea and is likely to drain their zinc storage (among other things), as well as it never having been proven to solve the problem properly.  I say this with authority but when my midwife rang me to let me know, I very meekly asked her for a brand that she would recommend.  Since then I have been encouraged not to seek out this synthetic version and to continue working on alternative means of gaining and absorbing iron.  I had started out this pregnancy with the best of intentions to do so but life got busy recently and I started to wax and wane in my assertiveness of a good iron rich diet.   

Tonight we're having a beef pot roast.  But red meat is not the best/only solution.  Iron is categorised as either heme or non-heme.  I understand that heme is more easily absorbed than non-heme but non-heme is easier to include in every meal and snack.  I try to include heme in at least two meals a day.  Heme comes from meat (especially red), egg yolks, and fish and shellfish although there's no way I'm touching Indiana shellfish with a barge pole.  The fish is also pretty iffy but I cover it up with sauces and other flavours.  Non-heme can be found in any number of food items including lentils, chickpeas, beans, dried fruit, leafy greens, nuts, seeds, wheat germ, whole grain, and molasses.  The absorption of it is complicated.  Your body will only absorb so much, although when you're low in iron, it absorbs more.  Vitamin C aids in absorption so I take a spoonful of molasses and follow it with some kind of citrus fruit.  But that's only 15% of what I need.  On top of all this, I have just started using Ferrum Phos and Kali Sulph which are homeopathic cell salts recommended to help with iron absorption.  Here goes nothin'.

Somebody give me a deadline

It seems that as I feared would happen without the pressure of a deadline, I am posting less and less frequently.  Lacking a deadline, I am less able to choose one thought for that day.  The ones I consider never seem to be <interesting/good/thorough> enough, or they feel plain repetitive, and so I put them off and they are quickly forgotten.  

I'd like to overcome this but I don't have a strategy for how to do so.  Any ideas?  Recently my life has been full of good intentions for improvement in so many areas.  But the weeks zoom by with many quietly spent, seemingly unproductive grey days and the odd sunny happy day.  Thank goodness February has been and gone.  March brings with it the promise of spring.