Manky side burns and baggy sweaters

I recently went to The Five Year Engagement with Jbird.  It was nice of him to come along to a chick flick with me.  A friend of ours from our youth orchestra days in NZ is in a photo in the movie and it made me want to see it. 

If you don't know the plot, I don't want to spoil it for you, but it felt like it spoke to us both on some complex levels.  Yes, there are levels to this chick flick.  It was set in San Francisco and Michigan.  I love seeing different places in the States in movies since moving here.  This is such a diverse country, and I've often met someone from there and can then relate further to why they are the way they are.  

The main theme was the big question of the limits of compromising 'life' for your partner.  I'm ashamed to admit that I often fight poorly with Jbird, telling him I just want to go home, or life would be better if we weren't here.  I don't know if I've used it in a fight, but I have definitely thought I'm here because of you, the stakes are high, you can do better than you are doing and I feel mad.  It feels horrid, so vulnerable, to put it into words here.  The movie helped me with this.  It showed me that I have compromised, sure, but I have managed to become myself again, somewhere that I didn't choose.  If we had moved somewhere more elegant or convenient, I am sure I would have hit the same struggles that I have here and I had in Baltimore.  

I often say that these years are precious years for us, but they often just feel humdrum, boring, and uncomfortable.  If I were at home, I'd be teaching, or have a baby, and probably be feeling those same humdrum, boring feelings.  But I don't think I'd have learnt so much about Jbird or myself in the process.  I definitely wouldn't cook the food I cook, or bike everywhere I go.  I probably wouldn't know how to crochet or knit.  And I doubt I'd have started a blog or decided to finish this Masters. 

Do you want to know what Jbird says when I tell him I want to go home?  He tells me Well, let's talk about that.  Maybe that's the right thing to do.  Every time, I swear it.  It makes me kind of teary to think about.  By saying this he lets me know that even though it doesn't always feel like it, him and I are in this together, and we will get out of it together.  Lovely hubby o' mine.

The movie made me laugh, it made me cry, AND there are two great wedding scenes. People, even Jbird wanted to cry but manned up and didn't let it out.  A must-see.