Thursday, December 21, 2017

A Tumultuous Ride

We could have lived an easier life. But instead we chose to move so far away and start a family on the other side of the world.  We became accustomed to a life lived abroad.  Our move to Omaha gave us relief from the unknown, as we started to plan for a possible future there.

Then life got flipped.  Our trajectory couldn't seem to find any strength until finally we were on our way home.  Although it was a long-expected outcome, it took me by surprise and has been a difficult journey. 

I took comfort in some words from a friend today as she described my life as throwing me around recently.  Except that we chose this year.  We told life we'd stay put, we'd wait and see.  We could have come home sooner.  So I can't agree with her.  I willingly jumped on that ride and had to allow it to run its course.

I often wonder about these decisions, heading towards feelings of regret.   Why did we stay so long, why did we move to Omaha, should I be working and not at home with the kids?  These are a few of the questions that sometimes tumble through my mind.  But there is joy in there too.  I love my job.  I love the scenic views.  I love living opposite the Manukau Harbour.  I love having my mother right here, and JBird's mother just over the bridge(s).  I love the new car we bought.  I love teaching my children Maori in a land where it makes sense.  I love the food! Running is so much more enjoyable here than anywhere else I've run.  It's as though someone finally showed me how to work my 3D glasses.

I look forward to caring about Christmas more next year.  I will be better prepared for it, I will enjoy teaching my children silly and not so silly traditions.  But this year I'm letting other people take charge.  Instead, I'll teach my children how wonderful life can be when you're with the people who love you and the people you love.  I'll delight at their ability to grow and learn when life is sane and makes sense to them.  When I'm there for them.  I'll enjoy cultural observations which answer some questions about the way I acted away from home. Ah, home.  Here we are.

Monday, December 18, 2017

We're Home

...and I'm not sure how it happened.  January 2017 took us from Indiana to Omaha, Nebraska.  While there the two options for our next visa fell through, one of which would have taken us to the Gulf Coast, Mississippi.  Mississippi?  I often wonder what life would have been like had we lived there.  The is always followed by a sense of relief.

Omaha treated us well.  Life was quiet yet very happy.  We lived in a cute little blue house with a huge yard.  There was snow in the winter, wild violets in the spring, and fireflies in the summer.  I couldn't tell you about fall as we left before it came.  We had a snake in the basement, black chipmunks in the yard, baby eagles drinking from our paddling pool.  Jackson turned 2 and Rori 4.  We had new friends, some we may keep forever.  I went to the gym often and started teaching the children to swim.  Rori had a sweet violin teacher but she didn't go to preschool.   Justin and I joined a community orchestra for the first time in the States.  Our family bonded as we spent all day every day together.  

While visiting Misssissippi to buy a house, we received the news that that door was closed and we would be moving back to New Zealand.  It was a great shock but we sold and gave away most of our things, put our piano on a ship, and drove back through old haunts to visit friends on a Grand Farewell Tour.  

Back in Auckland, we are living in my mother's basement apartment.  The ocean (Manukau Harbour) is across the road, Mangere Mountain right behind us.  This is an idyllic place to live while we find our feet.  

It hasn't been easy.  The children have shouted a lot and so have we.  I spent term 4 teaching New Entrants at a school just a ten minute commute away, and Justin is at a Music academy teaching in a similar position to the one he had in Omaha.  Our hours don't coincide but our children have their parents. Finding myself back in familiar territory was at first terrifying.  One day at a time I found my feet, remembered where I had been.  I am now looking forward to teaching Year 3 at the same school.  I am so grateful to be teaching again.  Ultimately, I am grateful to be home.  
Do you not know how it is with love?  First comes delight: then pain: then fruit.  And then there is joy of the fruit, but that is different again, from the first delight.  And mortal lovers must not try to remain at the first step.

    C.S. Lewis: The Pilgram's Progress