A little homesick

I know these emotions aren't true - I'm probably hormonal and they will pass.  But.  Today, I'd like to stop living this life and be at home in NZ living my old more normal life.  I'd like the security of a 9-5 job with all the benefits.  Work every day, maternity leave, holiday pay.  I'd also like to be able to see my family and friends whenever I want to.  And to know my groceries will fit into the boot of my car instead of wondering how I'm going to get them home on my bike.  That is how I feel today.  Bah.

Addendum: I do have some news that made me happy happy happy yesterday when I learned it.  And that is that Sophie will be here for Christmas!  Yahoo!!  I thought it was going to be a quiet one with just Jbird and I and I couldn't bring myself to feel excited about it BUT her plans have changed and she will be here too.  Bloomington Bike Gang Unite.

The upcoming concerto recital

Woops - this was supposed to post yesterday.  Sorry, it stayed a draft over night...

I have been cycling around campus putting up posters for Jbird's upcoming concert.  It's on Sunday at 1pm at the Recital hall, if you happen to be in town.  As I left the campus, I was cycling passed Jbird's studio and I heard his concerto wafting through the window as he practised with the conductor.  He's playing the Delius piano concerto. Jbird's sounding great and it's a fun piece to listen to.  I'm excited to hear it with the orchestra on Sunday.  Before that, I have to make enough sandwiches and brownie for 36 people for one of their rehearsals.  The logistics of freshness and transportation on the back of a bike currently fail me but I'm sure I'll work it out.

A night out

We ate at one of the nicest restaurants in Bloomington last night, Restaurant Tallent.  Jbird's teacher takes us there once a year.  It's the only restaurant he and his wife will eat at and he loves to stretch out the evening from appetizers right through to the digestif.  It's difficult eating out when you're pregnant.  There are so many no-nos, it can be quite mind boggling.  I know I ate at least two by accident - salami and a blue cheese sauce.  Oh well.  

I shared the beets with Justin for the first course.  Beets have magical properties in them and we've been having raw beet salad a lot at home recently.  For my main, I had the scallops with pigs belly.  When it arrived at the table it seemed really small, with only three scallops on it, but I found that the scallops with the pigs belly were more than I could eat.  The vegetables were divine, though unrecognisable - popcorn puree, spaghetti squash, pickled onion, and pecan.  For dessert I tried to share the persimmon bread pudding with Jbird but he'd had lamb for his main and had no more room.  Scattered throughout the evening we were also served crispy sour dough, a delicious meat and cheese platter, and some freshly made doughnuts with ricotta, and the aforementioned digestif.  I'm still fill this morning.

Holiday consumerism

For those of you in NZ who don't know much about Black Friday - which happens the day after Thanksgiving - it's like boxing day sales, except more intense.  People queue up at the doors of shops for hours to try and be in first to get the best deal.  The shops have been opening earlier every year.  When we first arrived it was around 7am, then 6am, then 4am, and this year it was at midnight on Thanksgiving day.  The deals are pretty phenomenal too but Justin and I stay away from them.  We don't have money to spend anyway and find the decision making process too hard because when we are spending money on something, it always needs a huge deliberation.  Cyber Monday is the following Monday and many online stores offer discounts or free shipping.  There are a few things I like to buy online like my cereal and shampoo so I shop around for the best deal and normally manage to save a few pennies.  It's pretty annoying though, looking out for the best deal, and I probably end up buying things I don't exactly need.  

This year I nearly convinced myself to get a sewing machine as I have a birthday coming up...in two months.  I found some decent basic ones for less than $100.  I had to do a deep soul search and realised that though I would hopefully make use of it, it's another hobby.  Hobbies cost money.  I would be buying material and thread, and probably ending up with a stash of material I won't use, as I have with wool for my knitting/crocheting and seeds for the garden.  And when/if we leave here, the machine will be the wrong electricity level for NZ.    I'm not exactly the world's best knitter and crocheter so I might just keep working on those for now. 

The Christmas tree is up

We set up our Christmas tree today which presented me all these lovely memories from our married season here in the States.  The first year we were here we bought a $25 fake Christmas tree. It felt really expensive to buy that tree at a time when our funds were at their most uncertain and it felt like our budget was stretched.  However, I decided that for me, a Christmas tree at Christmas is a necessity.  So I bought a packet of candy canes for a dollar and a cheap string of lights to decorate it with.  I was excited to find the Chrsitmas tree came pre-strung with lights and we could use the extra string to decorate a small part of our apartment.  

Now we have a lovely eclectic collection of decorations.  That first year, Mum and Dad sent us three decorations that are symbollic of NZ - a pohutukawa tree flower, a kowhai tree flower and a pukeko bird.  The next year they'd visited Australia and we got a kangaroo decoration.  Last year, Aunty Liz gave us some instruments, and this year we got a big star from my parents.  These decorations are all regular sized and kind of dwarf our tiny tree.  To add to these I've bought a miniature nativity set to hang, some miniature gold and silver bows, and a set of tiny ginergbread men and women.  Students have given us some large silver balls and a pretty angel topper.  A couple of years ago we made some decorations out of cinammon dough at church.  The dough is made out of apple sauce, glue and cinammon.  We then used cookie cutters to shape them, covering them with glitter, ribbon, and little red baubles.  They make strong decorations and smell delightful when you first open the box.   I've also crocheted some green and red flowers.   We have several strands of lights which we pick up at yard sales and thrift stores and we will hang them around our windows.  They're so pretty in these dimly lit apartments. 

I really wanted to buy a real tree this year but after a new pram,* I couldn't justify spending more money on a tree when I think of all the millions of things this new little baby will need.  It looks like my in-laws might visit next Christmas so perhaps we'll get the real tree for baby's first Christmas.

*I know I'm buying it relatively early as we're only 15 weeks pregnant, but it was on sale and I didn't want to miss out on the sale.

On celebrating Thanksgiving

I have been pondering this strange holiday which I have previously rejected as being my own and acted as a kind of observer of.  I've come to the conclusion that this is the wrong approach to take because it is my holiday too.  After all, it is not affiliated to any specific religious or specific cultural group, rather to the survival of the people in a young nation of both immigrants and natives (or that's my understanding, please feel free to correct me).  That is the thing that is so great about Thanksgiving too: it's for everybody.   

This year I've decided that I'm an immigrant of sorts too.  My visa may suggest otherwise, as I have entered on non-immigrant/temporary status.  But my plans are here right now, tied up in Jbird's degree.  Perhaps one day our status will change or perhaps we'll end up somewhere else.  For now, I'm living here, and I'm celebrating Thanksgiving properly.

What does that mean?  It's easy to get caught up in the food as everybody seems to place so much emphasis on it, on the twist their family takes with the same few dishes.  Food became the a symbol for all that we have to be thankful for so it is appropriate.  Today I've been taking stock of where we are, what we're doing, and who we're becoming.  Not through any ceremony but just in my thoughts.  Good enough for me.  Soon I'll be enjoying the company of others and considering the privilege it is to have friends to enjoy. 

The notebook

I recently lost an A4 (letter size) notebook.  It had a black cover and was spiral bound with blank thick cartridge pages.  Losing this notebook gave me a tight feeling in my chest.  I started using it at the beginning of the year, a time when I was trying to get my head around all that I had to do.  I used it to write notes for school, plan my weekly schedules, and write 'to do' lists.  As well as my weekly reminders, I had written three important lists in it: 'to do before I finish my study', 'to do with my parents' and 'to do post-study'.  I found the notebook today, six weeks later, having completed all those deadlines and had the visit from my parents.  Annoyingly it was exactly where I had expected it to be but my eye must have glanced over it in my  searching.  

I have a sense of relief in finding it, as though the notebook keeps me together in one piece and I'll be able to accomplish more because of it.  I don't know if I've alluded to the feeling I have about my sudden freedom.  I've had this freedom before - where I was a housewife, with nothing much going on.  It didn't turn out so well.  My self-esteem was crippled by being purposeless and I wasn't happy.  With nothing much to do and in cold weather, it can be difficult to get out of bed.  It can also be difficult to stay out of bed once you've gotten up.  After all, what is there to do out of bed?  Tasks which can feel important or unimportant depending on the sun.    

I have been known to enjoy this strange, unexpected life through accomplishing small daily purposes.  Staying in bed is the worst possible remedy.  So my notebook, my lists, and having a schedule are important to me.  They keep me going, keep me sane, and keep me accomplishing.  They all amount to getting Jbird through these degrees, loving him, and not resenting him for bringing me here.  Right now I'm also riding on a bigger accomplishment of my own: finishing a degree I had left partially completed for nearly a decade. 

Another turkey week

It's the lead up to Thanksgiving and I was at a friend's doing some prep-work with her yesterday.  Last year I made the Pumpkin Pie.  This year I made the cranberry sauce while she made the stuffing.  

Cranberry sauce is a hard one to fathom - I want to eat it as a dessert but it's a side for the turkey.  Today we made ours with nearly a whole pineapple and two and a half pounds of fresh cranberries.  The stuffing Ashley was working on is is quite different from the simple affair that New Zealanders stuff their roast chickens with.  Surprisingly it's rarely stuffed inside the bird but baked like a casserole or cake in the oven.  This way you can make enough to go around and it doesn't risk being covered in dangerous uncooked poultry juices.  I think Ashley's recipe had some ground meat, mushrooms, onions, celery, and I'm not sure what seasoning.  She will add bread and stock before baking it on Thursday.  

I have been given the job of baking the broccoli casserole on Thanksgiving morning.  I will use Ashley's grandmother's recipe.  New Zealanders will never be able to imagine the goodness of a green bean or broccoli casserole.  I can't really describe it, but along with the broccoli it needs mushroom and chicken soup (from a can), cheese, butter, crackers, and some time in the oven.  It's a relief to have someone give me a recipe and tell me what to do, helping me to fit in with the traditions of that family.  Our family doesn't have traditions but I'm collecting recipes.  I'm also going to try to bake some gingerbread men because I think Ashley's four sons will like them and they will go well with a cup of coffee if people can't fit pie.  Regardless, they should compliment any pie and not overwhelm it.

A step away from my front door

The morning Andy, Nicole, Mum, and Dad were all here we were all mulching around.  Andy was online reading the paper, Jbird was re-writing an essay (having lost a section of it on our trip to St. Louis which showed up later in the pocket of the suitcase), and we were all being lazy about showering and getting our breakfast together.  Eventually I got a bit frustrated because the morning was going and I had an appointment in the afternoon so I said to Mum and Nicole: Let's go check out the great international store around the corner while we wait for everyone else to get ready.  I called it an international store naively because it's the place I always think to visit when I'm craving something from home.  I probably won't be able to find the exact item there but I might be able to find a substitute from another British colony.  Actually, there's hardly anything from NZ there except wine and licorice allsorts (!!!).

As we were leaving, the boys all jumped into gear, feeling guilty for their lazy ways (except Jbird who had to go to school), and suddenly we had a party of five.  On arriving at the store, Dad and Andy were both immediately bored but Mum, Nicole, and I quickly became immersed in the wonders of this store.  It seriously has everything.  For example I went in there this afternoon looking for wheat germ, brewer's yeast, brazil nuts, dried apricots, and alfalfa.  The only item I didn't find was the alfalfa.  It is also a wealth of any herbal remedy you can think of, and has a huge selection of wine, cheese, olives, and teas.  

This is a stark contrast to when we first arrived in America.  The first store I found was basically a booze store which also sold a few grocery items.  I wondered if we'd be eating two minute noodles and overpriced sugary cereal for dinner for the extent of our stay here.  When I eventually found some real supermarkets I was overwhelmed for a while, especially when I tried perusing the freezer sections which generally consist of aisles and aisles and aisles of processed/pre-prepared food.  More freezers than any kiwi girl can imagine.  I've learned to avoid this section except when looking for frozen berries, peas, and a few other things.  Probably those items you most expect to find in the freezer section at home.

NB: if you live in Bloomington, the store is the east side Sahara Mart. 

A fail in the kitchen

I goofed up big time on a meal for our neighbours last night.  I was making slow cooked split pea soup with a ham hock*  and whole wheat focaccia bread.  First of all, I completely killed the bread - it was as hard and thin as a cracker. Bah to that.  The recipe called for 24 hours rising time in the refrigerator but I rushed it without adding extra yeast, silly me.  I guess I normally leave whole wheat bread to rise even longer than white bread so that might have been the second reason for its lack of rising.   It rose beautifully for the first two sittings but just sat there for the last one.  Secondly, my soup came out really really salty.  Unfortunately, if I follow a recipe, I like to really follow the recipe so Jbird can't say Did you follow the recipe? if it turns out wrong.  This recipe called for 5 cups of chicken stock* along with the ham hock.  My instincts told me: the ham hock will create loads and loads of flavour, you don't need chicken stock as well. But for some reason I ignored those instincts and added all that stock anyway.  When the soup was basically ready, I tasted it and was really annoyed to find that while it looked absolutely gorgeous and perfect, lovely and green and thick, it tasted really really salty.  To try and fix it, I added as much water as I could without compromising its thickness and served it anyway.  I think my replacement open face cheese toasties*** soaked up some of the salt.  I used some lovely Gouda cheese on them and it wasn't too sad not to have home made bread.

This morning I'm cooking up some more split peas to add to the left over soup to calm down the overdose in flavour.  I will freeze it in small one and two serving size Tupperware.  We love defrosting home made frozen soup for lunch in this cold weather.   

*some ham on a bone

** American term for stock: broth

***American term for cheese toasties: grilled cheese sandwiches

The end of the holiday

I have been driving for seven hours.  No, it doesn't take that long to get back from Chicago.  It took me that long because I had to drop mum at the airport, there was an accident on the highway, and I drove around the city for a good while looking for gas.  I have a cold and feel pretty crap.  I have to drop the car at the rentals, bike back, and teach two students.  Ugh.  So that is my post for today.  Sorry.  I just gotta get it done and then I can sleep.

On drinking coffee and other no-nos

To drink or not to drink while pregnant?  This is my daily battle.  Don't get me wrong, I'm only drinking decaf because I have taken a no caffeine from coffee stance.  But I'm still drinking decaf.  Because coffee is delicious and comforting and many say you can drink coffee anyway.  Up to two cups.  I've chosen to ignore their stance.  You may remember that I haven't even been drinking a whole cup a day now that I'm not teaching full time.  I don't really understand how regular tea is different from coffee and no one seems to think that tea is bad, not even my-mum-the-midwife.  So I succumb.  Now that I'm no longer feeling nauseas, it's getting harder not to.   Today was the first day I felt like a glass of wine but I find that one really easy to ignore because Jbird has told me he'd rather I didn't even sip alcohol.  So there we have it.  If he lays down the law, it turns out I listen.

The windy city

We've arrived in Chicago minus Jbird who is busy with work at school.  Just as we were about to leave Bloomington it started to snow.  This seemed crazy as yesterday was a lovely warm day when I didn't even put a jacket on or wear my slippers around the house.  It seems we got those bulbs in in time for a frost.  The snow was a blessing as it sent me scurrying back inside to increase the winter clothes I was already bringing, grabbing some tights and singlets*, and warmer winter shoes.  It turns out that this city has had me the very coldest I have been since last winter, and I am extremely grateful for those extra warm clothes.  

If you've been to Chicago, we're doing all the normal things and a few others.  Today we stopped in at the local library**, watched the sun set and the city light up from the top of the Willis nee Sears tower,  had dinner in what our waiter told us was Al Capone's booth at a local Italian restaurant***, and stopped in at the Millennium park to see the giant bean and the sound shell. 

We've sourced a free concert for tomorrow night and have some other plans besides, many thanks to a feed on my newly restored facebook page****.  We're having fun but I wish Jbird were here too.  

*singlets - kiwi word for undershirts. 

** American cities have fantastic libraries and I should remember to always include them on my city to-do lists

*** of course he told us that but it was fun to pretend it was true

****yes, I returned. 

Lasagne gardening

I was able to enlist my mother to help me with digging up the garden to prepare it for winter.  I have wanted to do this for a long time, and have been planning it since last year, but I've had to put it off until now because things have been too busy.  I also needed someone to help me because now that I'm pregnant, I am on a strict 'no-dirt' rule, not to avoid getting toxaemia as there aren't any cats around, but for listeria.  If you're not avoiding one disease, it's another when you're pregnant.  We didn't exactly give up on the rule because I was wearing rubber gloves, but I ended up doing some digging as there was soooo much work to do.  

Even though the tomato trees still had quite a few itty bitty tomatoes and flowers, we dug them all up.  We left the peppers because they survive in mum's climate.  I'm sure they'll die soon but that's no biggie. It's hard to remember how cold it gets, especially because I had my winter jacket on all last week but this week has been very warm again.  

In this cold winter climates we can plant seeds before the first frost as they should thrive if they've been in the dirt during a long, cold winter.  The risk you take comes from the fake spring frosts which can throw them off course.  They will possibly sprout up and die if there is a heavy frost or more snow.  We planted tulip, daffodil, and snow crocus bulbs.  I also scattered a bunch of seeds I'd collected over this passed season.  Mum wasn't quite sure about this idea but I've read and talked about it quite a bit and am excited to see what grows.  We laid down a bed of paper and leaves and then compost.  I had to buy the compost as mine still needs another year or two before it's good and ready to use.  These layers are why we call it lasagne gardening.  

This all sounds very civilised, doesn't it?  The reality is that we didn't do anything in the right order because we were in a hurry.  I was scattering seeds after the leaves had been spread, for example, so they're not very deep.  I'm also worried about the depth of the bulbs as others I have planted have been quickly found by the chipmunks or rabbits which like to visit.  We haven't seen any recently so they might be safe.  Our garden looks really bizarre now, with paper and leaves not quite hidden by dirt.  They seem to be holding in the wind, as opposed to last year when I didn't cover the leaves at all and they all blew away the day I laid them out.  I always feel great after doing some proper work in the garden.  My mum's a 'real' gardener but she was very complimentary about our tiny plot.

44 more days until...

...Christmas! Or so the little machine at Walmart told me yesterday.  I'm feeling rather proud of myself because over just two days I managed to buy all the most necessary Christmas pressies for NZ to send back with my parents.  I like to give but our 'belts are tight' so to speak, and there's the whole question of getting the items back to NZ.  Postage is phenomenal, often doubling or even trippling the price of the cheap little items we send over.   Needless to say, the NZ present side of Christmas can be quite overwhelming.   Last year I flew over to Heather and Tom's wedding just before so it was an easy Christmas to prepare for.  This year we're lucky to have Mum and Dad here to be our Christmas elves.  Unfortunately, Mum is a bit of a shop-a-holic so space is tight and I've tried to keep the packages small and minimal - immediate family only.  Over the passed couple of years I have made many the gifts - I had the time and the inclination - but I'm currently going through a not-very-crafty phase so all of these items are bought though I expect to make some things for people here.  It didn't feel overwhelming at all.  Now I can get on with the pleasant side of Christmas.  Or maybe I'll wait a few weeks.

A full house

We had Andy and Nicole to stay earlier in the week and our little house was PACKED with six adults all staying.  It was fun though, and unusual to have so much family all together at once.  I guess it's been a year since that happened, at Heather and Tom's wedding in New Zealand and both Jbird and Nicole couldn't be there for that.  Jbird and I were busy during the day but they all went to the different museums around campus, the best way to see it.  We had a lamb roast together one night, enjoying a NZ tradition.   We were missing half the family but we'll be together again one day.

Touristing till we drop

We have been running around this citty filled with history and country music - Nashville, TN.  Soph lent us her GPS and it has opened my eyes to easy navigating systems.  I don't think I'll go back to the printed google map directions Jbird and I keep trying to survive on, and getting lost with all the time.  Life is very nice when you can type in an address and be directed there by a small talking and moving map.  As I'm sure you all already know.   It's nice to come south, too, because the weather is a tiny bit warmer and my folks have been able to see the fall colours in more glory than they have seen them so far, all the leaves have dropped north of here.

Nashville is a great place to visit, as I've mentioned before.  There's too much to see, and it's very accessible.  We saw Elvis's gold piano and his diamond painted and white gold finished Cadillac at the country music museum.  We visited the Ryman auditorium: the birthplace of bluegrass.  We had lunch at a cute little French cafe, my favourite kind of place to eat.  We also visited Belmont Mansion, a house owned by the richest woman in America around the 1860s.  Our guide was amazing, she'd memorised her book and knew all the answers and more.  The house itself was beautifully restored with a lot of original artefacts.  These people were sooooo rich, it's nuts.  I wonder what we have in store for tomorrow. 

A happy ending

Jbird read a grade to me this morning: you got another 'A', Annabel. I was still mostly asleep and I was a little disappointed because I thought it was for the class I've been getting A+s for, the only class, and I had been hoping to get an A+ in at least that class.  High expectations.  

All day I haven't thought about it, I've been busy, and now I'm off on another road trip with my parents.  I came online very quickly just now, to see if I could write a word or two here, and thought to myself may as well read what my lecturer said.  Low and behold, the subject matter was about another class, a class I have been worried I would fail.  But I got an A.  What a lovely way to end that class.  Maybe Ed. Psych. isn't so bad after all. 

The heartbeat

I had my first visit with a midwife today which has made me feel a bit better about giving birth to a baby all the way over here.  I had to give two urine samples - I'm not exactly sure why - and a lot of blood for different tests.  I guess if you've had a baby before, this is all pretty standard stuff.  But is it standard to have a sense of overwhelming excitement and happiness on hearing the baby's heartbeat?  I'm sure it is.  For me, it was a lovely thing to experience. 

St. Louis, across the way

We spent the weekend in St. Louis.  Well, the day really, as we basically drove for an afternoon to get there and most of today to get back.  It's a sweet city and it was especially lovely to be a tourist in a city with a car where parking wasn't too pricey and there was plenty to see.  Normally we're on foot and exhausted by the end of any day.  We went to the zoo, up the famous gateway arch, to the old union station, and to a street we might compare to Parnell or Ponsonby in Auckland, or Kirkwood here in Indiana.  You know the type of street with lots of people wandering through the nice restaurants and shops.  We had dinner at an all-American bar called Blueberry Hill, famous for it's collectible paraphernalia.   I had an Aussie burger with tater tots which were delicious.  We then went to a movie in a cute little movie theatre which was American enough that we bought our tickets out on the street.  The movie was The Intouchables.  It's such a lovely movie, a real must-see.

Tomato cook up

We are having a tomato cook up bonanza as the last of the tomatoes from our garden ripen.  This has included soup, pasta sauce, canned tomatoes and some tomato chili chutney.  For the latter, Mum had brought some chilli peppers from her friends in Lake Tahoe and they attacked me!  Having lightly touched my nose with my chilli stained hand, it started to drip.  So I blew it.  But more chilli went through the thick paper towel from my hands to my face and before I knew it, the skin around my nose was burning and it was right down my nose and into my throat making me cough and sneeze and cough and sneeze.  What a powerful vegetable.  From then on, I handled the chilli peppers with gloved hands.  The chutney is delicious but I held back on the chilli because of the attack so it's not quite as spicy as I would like it to be.  There are still a few tomatoes left so I'm going to look around for one more recipe.