I woke up the day after that last post not exactly feeling better or more optimistic. Mornings are a little bit hard for me since I've lost the sense of urgency I had not so long ago. In a way it's nice, like being on holiday, but I guess I'm so used to urgency that I don't know how to let go of it and I miss it. While I thought about getting out of bed, I read a blog about anticipation vs. anxiety and I came to realise how important anticipation is to me. My last post was written at a time when I wasn't anticipating our future, instead I was dwelling on an overwhelming feeling of anxiety. I placed the blame on our situation. The thing is, those stresses on our life that cause me to feel anxious don't go away. We've lived with basically the same ones since we were married - mostly financial, if you couldn't guess. But we've carried on and survived and we're sure to continue to survive. What's more, we both think we have everything we need. It's not anxiety that keeps me here. Rather, anticipation is what gets me up in the morning and keeps me moving. Right now there is so much to anticipate. I am determined to hold onto that while I live what can sometimes feel like humdrum daily life on a steep uphill slope. Anxiety will only stop me in my tracks, leaving me miserable.
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