The worth of thy self

Oh how I do love to complain, I'm really good at it.  Extraordinarily good at it!

I was stumped by a friend once when I was complaining to her about our situation.  The gist of the complaint(s) was: we have no car, no house, no job, no money, no future (i.e.; I didn't see how we could possibly afford to have a baby).  She (being a lovely American girl) asked me why I was so busy seeking the American dream.  Well, she didn't say it like that, but that was the gist.  And thus I was stumped.  Is that what I want, the American dream?!  Huh.  I thought those things just meant comfort.  This, by the way, was only a year ago.  And now we have a baby and car so two of those things can be checked off. 

I still find myself falling back into those complaints.  Sometimes the 'American Dream' comment manages to keep me in check.  And sometimes instead of just complaining, I want to do something about it.  I keep coming back to: I should just try and get a job.  But why do I need a job?  Doesn't BabyBird need me in the nest?  But what worth do I gain from being with her in the nest?  Isn't she the only one that notices?

The thing is.  I'm not lacking in love.  I'm not lacking in experiences.  I'm not lacking in friendship and Christian fellowship.  My family are too far away but that, right now, can't be helped.  The only thing I'm lacking is climbing that ladder of career opportunity, and the ability to buy whatever I want.  Material goods aren't so important (I often need to remind myself of this).  And is my career?  Does it matter if I'm not winning any awards?  

I would argue that happiness comes instead from loving well, which is what I intend to do.